


BLAINE: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

by Lady_Anne_ONymous



Series: GLEE Owner's Guides [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Humor (or my attempt at it anyway...), M/M, Manual, Owner's Guides, user's manuals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 15:18:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1862628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Anne_ONymous/pseuds/Lady_Anne_ONymous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the proud owner of a BLAINE DEVON ANDERSON unit! Follow the guidelines in this manual and your BLAINE will give you decades of quality performance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	BLAINE: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: The original Owner’s Guide belongs to Theresa Green. It first appeared in the LOTR fandom, but many others have used the original template in other fandoms for other characters.

Blaine: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

CONGRATULATIONS!  
You are now the proud owner of a BLAINE DEVON ANDERSON unit! Follow the guidelines in this manual and your BLAINE will give you decades of quality performance.

INSTALLATION  
When you receive your BLAINE unit, be sure to show him the nearest karaoke and gym. Please check that you have all his accessories (see below) and that you have been issued the proper unit.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS  
Name: Blaine Devon Anderson  
Age: 18  
School: William McKinley High School  
Hometown: Lima, Ohio  
Sex: Male  
Manufacturers: Stephen and Coretta Anderson  
Height: 5'8" (1.73 m)  
Weight: insufficient data  
Hair Color: dark brown  
Eye Color: hazel  
IQ: very bright  
Attention Span: depends on environmental stimulus and accompanying units

OPERATING PROCEDURE  
Your BLAINE unit has been designed to be user-friendly and proficient. His controls are voice activated. Please state your commands clearly in English or French.  
Remember that your BLAINE unit is not just sexy; he should have multiple functions.

Music:  
Your BLAINE unit is quite proficient at guitar and is exemplary singer and dancer. Left to his own devices, he prefers Katy Perry songs. However, with sufficient encouragement, you will be able to get your BLAINE unit to perform almost any style of music.

Loyalty:  
Once his trust has been earned, your BLAINE unit will be almost unquestionably loyal, especially to the SAM, KURT, and TINA units. He always tries to do what he believes is right, though at times his judgment may seem a bit off.

Personal Relationships:  
Like most units, your BLAINE model comes with two 'relationship' settings: het and slash. Please keep in mind that the het mode may cause glitches as it is not a natural setting.

Combat:  
Your BLAINE unit is actually an effective combatant when needed. He has a great deal of training in boxing. (Some models have been previously mistreated by various other units and may have occasional anger issues. If you are unable to calm your BLAINE unit down, it is recommended that you steer him in the direction of the nearest heavy bag.)

COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS  
Your BLAINE unit will likely form a strong friendship with a TINA unit. For romantic purposes, BLAINE is best paired with a SAM unit. He may also form a relationship with a TINA unit, but it is not as natural a relationship as one with SAM would be. Your BLAINE unit tends to have the following modes:  
(a) Loving  
(b) Disney Prince  
(c) Aggressive  
(d) Combative (This is a rarely used mode that rarely occurs unless you attempt to improperly reprogram him.)

WARNING: As your BLAINE unit is underage, it is NOT recommended you allow him access to alcohol.

KURT:  
After being introduced to a KURT unit, your BLAINE unit may revert to an almost child-like state where all he wants to do is sing and watch Disney movies.

TINA:  
Your BLAINE will form a very close and lasting relationship with a TINA unit. If you set your BLAINE to the 'het' setting, a TINA unit is the most likely match. However, they are a much better match as close friends.

SAM:  
A SAM unit will very quickly form a close friendship/romance based on his gender preference setting. Beware, there may be a lot of UST between these two units, again based on his gender preference setting! If you wish a relationship between the two, make sure that your BLAINE unit is set to the 'slash' gender preference setting.

ACCESSORIES:  
Your BLAINE unit comes equipped with more accessories than any other model. His default outfit is a short-sleeved dress shirt, rolled-up jeans, and tennis with no socks. Also included are a large number of bowties (number varies based on how many you chose at checkout), several pairs of colored sunglasses, and a guitar. Depending on which option you chose at checkout, you unit may also come with a large vat of hair gel.

CLEANING  
You will likely need to bathe your BLAINE quite often, as he is a teenage boy. Make sure he uses the shower, and don't be afraid to assist him in the bathing procedure. He will be happy to show his gratitude for the assistance.

LUBRICATION  
To ensure that your BLAINE remains in good working order, moving parts should be lubricated regularly.  
Note: A detailed analysis of the correct lubrication of your BLAINE unit can be provided by either the SAM unit or the TINA unit, each sold separately.

RECHARGING  
After long periods of use, your BLAINE's energy levels may become depleted. Use the following procedures to recharge your BLAINE:

Food:  
As a teenage boy, BLAINE loves junk food. When in the company of a SAM unit, he will encourage the SAM unit to eat pizza and break his ridiculously restrictive diet.

Drink:  
BLAINE is willing to accept almost any beverage, but prefers a medium drip when left to his own devices. (Caution, again, should be paid not to give your BLAINE unit alcohol. Even in the 'slash' setting, he may behave inappropriately with women.)

Sleep:  
Your BLAINE unit requires the average amount of sleep for a teenage boy. For best results, try to make sure he has at least seven hours of sleep a day.

REPROGRAMMING  
The BLAINE unit is easily reprogrammed, as long as you remain polite and do not yell. Yelling will instantly flip his mood into 'combative' and you will make absolutely no progress.

SECURITY  
Thanks to the popularity of the BLAINE unit, it is essential that you observe the following security procedures for the safekeeping of your BLAINE:  
-Have your BLAINE micro-chipped. CAROLE HUDSON-HUMMEL can do this when in nurse mode, or you may sweet-talk your BLAINE into behaving for a doctor's visit by promising him coffee.  
-Do not leave your BLAINE unattended in public.  
-Do not lend your BLAINE to anyone.

CAUTION: Your BLAINE may tell you that the best way to keep from getting lost is to chain him up. DO NOT BELIEVE HIM! Follow his suggestion, by all means, but do not think for one minute that it has anything to do with security. It just means that your BLAINE is ridiculously, incredibly submissive. Please call for a SAM unit immediately and wear earplugs until one or both emerge for snacks.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS  
Q: My BLAINE unit has stopped paying attention to anything I do or say! He just sits there staring at the wall and glaring on occasion. What is wrong?  
A: He has most likely spoken to one of the ANDERSON parental units lately and is angry with their narrow-minded views on life and his sexuality.

Q: Why does my BLAINE look so tired during the day? He doesn't make a peep during the night!  
A: A SAM unit has probably been spending the night with him. Remove all ball gags from their possession and he will be more likely to get a sufficient amount of sleep.

Q: Why does my BLAINE unit keep doing really, really stupid things.  
A: He's a teenage boy. Get used to it.

TROUBLESHOOTING  
Problem: My BLAINE keeps disappearing in the middle of the night.  
Solution: He's most likely been having too many conversations with the ANDERSON parental units. Please get him in contact with a SAM unit immediately, or have him spend more time with a TINA unit if he just seems lonely. Another option is to allow him to attend a fight club or two.

Problem: My BLAINE keeps walking around shirtless!  
Solution: Sorry, this is the 'troubleshooting' section.

Problem: My BLAINE unit just came home at 3am covered with blood and cheering. Should I be concerned?  
Solution: That depends on you. You can either get him into a relationship with a SAM unit, who will either distract him so that he no longer attends fight club or at least help him burn off all of his excess adrenaline after the fights.

ADDITIONAL INFO  
For questions or concerns not addressed in this guide, please feel free to contact us at our mailing address or email us at:  
GLEEinc@yahoo.com

6969 McKinley Pkwy  
Lima, Ohio 45801

Please call 24/7 for emergencies only at: 800-555-5047


End file.
